Today I read the following out of the Message...Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Psalm 51
Most of you know that Tim and I have had many struggles when it comes to baring children. Those closest to us know the pain this season has been. Since it took us a long time to conceive Preston and visits to a fertility Dr in Chiang Mai we started "trying" again for #2 when Preston turned 1 year old in Dec. of 2008. When we finally got pregnant again in August of this year I was obviously excited, but my world crumbled when we lost our precious miracle. I will never know the "why" but pray that as I live out my suffering Gods grace is sufficient for me.
Life has been hard...we all go through valleys, but that doesnt make my valley any easier or less painful. The month of Sept was mostly a blur as I cried almost every day of the month and sometimes couldn't get out of bed or function. October came and I could begin to breathe again. I could get through days with out crying and some days with out thinking about our fertility struggle and the fight to conceive a healthy baby.
In the last days as I have opened my Bible the psalms have been speaking to me or at least resonating with my sorrow. We have started another month and a new cycle since the loss of our baby in Sept. We have to go back to Chiang Mai for some visa things in Nov and while we are there we are once again going to implant some of our embryos that are frozen. The last 2 days have been a blur. My thoughts have been consumed with the possibility that it wont work. My heart just feels fragile and I need you to stand by me with prayer. I need people to stand with me and help me fight this battle because more days than not I don't have the energy to fight it myself.
Please pray for a successful FET (frozen embryo transfer) and a healthy beautiful baby 9 months from now. I will let you know on Dec. 1st if it was successful, but in the mean time please just pray for me, for Tim, and for Preston.
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