The meditation of my heart today

Today I read the following out of the Message...Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Psalm 51

Most of you know that Tim and I have had many struggles when it comes to baring children. Those closest to us know the pain this season has been. Since it took us a long time to conceive Preston and visits to a fertility Dr in Chiang Mai we started "trying" again for #2 when Preston turned 1 year old in Dec. of 2008. When we finally got pregnant again in August of this year I was obviously excited, but my world crumbled when we lost our precious miracle. I will never know the "why" but pray that as I live out my suffering Gods grace is sufficient for me.

Life has been hard...we all go through valleys, but that doesnt make my valley any easier or less painful. The month of Sept was mostly a blur as I cried almost every day of the month and sometimes couldn't get out of bed or function. October came and I could begin to breathe again. I could get through days with out crying and some days with out thinking about our fertility struggle and the fight to conceive a healthy baby.

In the last days as I have opened my Bible the psalms have been speaking to me or at least resonating with my sorrow. We have started another month and a new cycle since the loss of our baby in Sept. We have to go back to Chiang Mai for some visa things in Nov and while we are there we are once again going to implant some of our embryos that are frozen. The last 2 days have been a blur. My thoughts have been consumed with the possibility that it wont work. My heart just feels fragile and I need you to stand by me with prayer. I need people to stand with me and help me fight this battle because more days than not I don't have the energy to fight it myself.

Please pray for a successful FET (frozen embryo transfer) and a healthy beautiful baby 9 months from now. I will let you know on Dec. 1st if it was successful, but in the mean time please just pray for me, for Tim, and for Preston.

Hanoi's 1000th Birthday!

What is that you say, "1000 YEARS" WOW! Then Preston points to his shirt which says good morning Vietnam.
People were very patriotic with red banners that read I love Hanoi and stickers on their cheeks. The lakes in Hanoi always have people around walking, taking pictures, and just relaxing. However, on 10-10-10 there were more people then normal. Thousands of people were out to celebrate the special anniversary of their beloved city.

We had a lot of fun walking around, but if we stayed in one place for long, massive amounts of people would close in on us wanting to take pictures of Preston. If you ever want to know what it feels like to have paparazzi follow you then come to Vietnam or China with a small child. Getting your picture taken will become a daily occurrence. Preston has started putting his hands up by his eyes and pretending to take pictures of other people.

Fall moon festival

During the fall moon festival we went into the main city, to see how the locals celebrate. In Viet Nam mid Autumn festival is one of the most popular family holidays. It is held on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month. Vietnamese plan this holiday around the children in their family. In a Vietnamese folklore, parents were working so hard to prepare for the harvest that they left the children to play by themselves. To make up for lost time, parents would use the mid autumn festival to make up for lost time. We decided to head out and see what the families were doing to celebrate. Below is Preston playing a drum while the other kids danced and played with masks and other musical instruments.

If I had to compare this holiday with something in the states. I would say it is a mix between Halloween and Thanksgiving.

The most popular food ate during this holiday is the moon cake

Hard Days, but life goes on

If you follow me on facebook, you know that the last month has been difficult to say the very least. I have cried so many tears that I have none left. We have had some good hours of prayer and days with out talking or hearing from God. We have had waves of emotions come and go and only a month has gone by. My intention is not to dwell in the valley, but to rise above it. So here is what has happened in our life lately.

We bought a motor bike so we have had to get used to riding on the right side of the road. In Thailand we always drove on the left, so it takes some getting used to. Don't worry Preston sits in the front of Tim, and helmets are always worn. One of these days we'll take some video of us driving through the city.

We promised once we moved to our current place we would get Preston a bike and so a week after we moved in we got one and he has had a lot of opportunities to ride it. He calls it his motorbike and always says he needs to fill up for gas.

We have tried to get to know our neighbors, but as usual Preston knows how to break down barriers better than anyone.

If I have one word to capture this month with it would be THANKFUL...Im thankful for the two guys in my life. Im blessed beyond measure as Tim has picked up ALL the slack in the house and in my current state believe me there has been a LOT of slack. He has been the head cleaner, caretaker and language learner. He has had his ups and down, but with out him our house surely would have fallen a part over this last month. What an amzaing man. Not just amazing man of God, but amazing husband and father. Im also so very thankful for my son. As the years, days, and months go on I realize how much of a miracle he is.

The reality of starting over

When we decided to move to this new country everyone kept telling us how difficult it would be. We were prepared for hard times. The odd thing about it is that there are some things about this country I like more then Thailand. There are other things I don't like as much, but that is all stuff you get used to. The hardest part of moving is starting over. I turn 30 in less than 2 months and the reality of starting over has hit hard. It is hard to learn another new language. It is hard to get energy to figure out where things are and how they work. My frustrations have not been because of the country we are living in, but the frustrations of starting over. In some ways I just feel too old to start over. I want to move to a familiar place and raise my kids there. Near people who know us and love us. I want to be in a place I know I can grow old at. Im tired of living this "adventure" and ready for some normal. A "normal" middle class American life NEVER sounded so good as it does right now. Is that bad?

we made it to our final destination

On Aug 1st we moved to our final country.

It had been 14 months of travel and living in other peoples life. Not to metion living out of our suitcases. We have found a house to live in and are starting the language learning process this week. I have high hopes of actually blogging weekly like I used to do. Here are some pictures we have taken recently

This is a picture of Preston embracing the culture we have moved to. Since he is at the end of the process of potty training he often has to go to the bathroom and there aren't very many public places to do so. He has learned to go everywhere. It didn't bother us so much because we see grown men relieving themselves in public places constantly. We are excited for our new lives here and excited to share with the world what every day life is like for us.

My blessing

We are now in Sunny FL before our return to Asia. It is hard to believe this is the last stop of our 8 month state side tour. We have visited FL, TN, GA, MN, WI, IN, IA, IL. We have met with a lot of people. Preston has been a real trooper. Every state brought new boundaries of do's and dont's as well as new aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents to meet. Tim and I have had stressful moments and some memorable moments as well. I have loved watching Preston interact with all of his relatives. I know every parent says their child is a blessing and we are NO exception. We leave mid Feb. for Asia and are anxiously anticipating our return. Please pr@y for our last couple of weeks in the states and for smooth transition upon our return to Asia. I plan to keep this blog updated more often between now and our return.