Beyond words

I have tried to think about how I will tell this story over the last week. I'm not a great writer, I'm not even a good writer, but I want everyone to know about our little miracle. When Preston turned 11 months old which was November of 08 I weaned him so that we could begin trying for baby number two. After 6 months of trying I went back to our fertility Dr. and we continued trying to have a child and did 4 rounds of clomid before returning to the states for a much needed break. During our 8 months in the states God spoke to my heart in a myriad of ways. Most of all I felt like I would have another child. In some ways looking back I was just sure we would deliver a baby in 2010, but when that time came and went I held out hope that we would get pregnant in 2010. By the end of 2010 and the week of Preston's 3rd birthday I realized my hopes and dreams would have to change. After two rounds of fertility treatment in Thailand resulting in 1 hospital stay and 1 miscarriage. We knew it was time to take a break. The months following our miscarriage were lonely dark days. Depression had begun to set in, but mostly a longing to hold a child that I began to feel I would never have. I had many sleepless nights praying for a miracle in our lives. Believing that one day Preston would be a big brother.  After our failed attempt in November to have another baby, I knew in my heart I had to begin to move on. There is so much to this story I'll never be able to convey, but the long and short of it is that God granted us our miracle.

We were preparing to start another and probably our last round of fertility treatment at the end of March. I was to start my meds on the 20th of Feb. Over the weekend I took a pregnancy test just out of routine before I started my meds. In utter disbelief I looked at the test and saw a double line. I held my breath and prayed, "God please let this be true. Please don't let this be a trick." I took another test and it was also positive. Tim wasn't to come home for days, so I waited for his return. I had dreamed of a time when I could tell Tim in a special way that we are expecting another baby. I had so many great ideas.  However the excitement took over and with in hours of his arrival I through the box at him and yelled, " We're pregnant!" Of course he couldn't believe it.

That was last Saturday. It has now been 1 week since I found out I was pregnant. To the best of my ability I am pretty sure I'm 6 weeks along. I'll be 7 weeks on Monday. God is good! Of course it is easy to say when your prayers are answered, but something I realized even when I didn't think our prayers would be answered is that God knows us. He loves us more than we could ever imagine. His heart is not for withholding from us. He sees our tears! He knows our pain!  God is good!

So we are telling the world now. I'M PREGNANT! Please pray for me. My heart is so fragile. Pray for baby #2 to be born in October. We will go for an ultrasound end of March I'll be 10 weeks and looking forward to a healthy heartbeat 120 beats a minute.